Your financial life is just a reflection of your emotional life

Have you lost your job, had your hours cut or if you’re self-employed, have you had a loss of income, during this global pandemic? If so, you’re not alone. The latest numbers show that over 57.4 million Americans have filed for unemployment.

The stress from losing a job or worries about paying the rent or mortgage or putting food on the table can lead to headaches, stomach aches, losing sleep, and even more severely, it can lead to isolation, fearfulness and depression. It’s why financial stress is the #1 reason for divorce and fighting between couples.

Financial stress feels just like not having enough food, water or shelter – “the basics” – so, it can be very damaging both mentally and physically.

So, it’s time to take care of yourself and lower your financial stresses.

What are the biggest financial stress triggers? Why are these triggers so common?

Financial stress triggers may start with a job loss or cut in pay, however the reason we are triggered is because they actually come from childhood. The way we saw our parents react to bills, debts, or a loss of a job affects how we see financial instability.

I had a client who told me about a childhood incident where her father had a heart attack, while at work. How do you think this affects her views on making money and working hard? It affected her so much, she had rules around “working hard,” which is a good thing, but she also, unconsciously, avoided making money because, in her mind, she equated making money to working hard.

So, how do you avoid financial stress?

Since financial stress feels the same as not having our basic needs met, the mind believes it’s in survival mode. So, the best way to get out of survival mode is to actually create more breathing room for yourself.

How do I create more breathing room?

First, call up credit card and student loan companies, mortgage car loan lenders, and any other debts (including the IRS if you owe back payment) and see what they can help with, during this time. Many companies are agreeing to give deferments (with and without interest).

Once you have more breathing room during the month, then it’s time to create more income. If you’ve lost your job or your hours have been cut or your company isn’t doing as well, apply for unemployment, if you haven’t already. In addition, apply for any grants you may qualify for. Then, if you still need money, check for loans. If you’re self employed, the PPP loan is at 1% and is up to 75% forgivable. Those are pretty good numbers and odds for you to get back on your feet and relieve some financial stress.

What to avoid that could increase financial stress

If your mortgage lender says yes, we’ll give you a 3-month break, but after the 3 months, you’ll have to pay everything back, with interest, then, keep paying your mortgage. You don’t want to go into panic mode when those 3 months are almost over.

Also, this is not a time to pay off your credit cards, student loans, etc. Instead, those bills can wait. Just don’t keep adding to the credit cards because at 15-20% interest, it will be a lot harder to pay off later when your money situation improves. It’s also not the time to buy big ticket items, like a car, a boat, or an RV (unless of course, you have a lot of money…and then you’re probably not in financial stress).

Also, I know it’s tempting to pull money out of a 401K or IRA, especially since there’s not penalty right now and those accounts may have dropped lately, but if you can hold onto those, in the long run (when you get to retirement age), you’ll be glad you held on to the account. Ideally, it’s best to sell high and buy low, and if you’re taking money out of your retirement account now, you’re essentially selling low.

If you don’t need the money in those retirement accounts, try to avoid looking at them! Remember, you have NOT lost any money until you actually sell and withdraw your money.

At what point would it be helpful to seek financial or therapeutic counseling to deal with money stress?

Once you have more breathing room, financially, it’s time to actually breathe! Meditation is important, and one quick meditation to relieve stress is to breathe in for 4, hold for 7 counts and then breathe out for 8. Do this for at least a minute. You can also try box breathing, which is breathe in for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts, breathe out for 5, and then do nothing for 5. Repeat 5 times.

Doing something creative also helps our minds to calm down. It can be anything – drawing, writing, singing, dancing, actively listening to music, building something, baking, cooking, decorating or just looking at the clouds, daydreaming.

Finally, I always say your financial life is a reflection of your emotional life. If your emotional life is unstable, then pretty likely, your financial life is unstable. If you have your emotional life in a good place, your financial life will follow, as well. So, it would be very helpful to get your emotional life in a stable place. Talking to a therapist would be helpful, or you can talk to someone (like me) who is certified in both life coaching and finances. I give my clients both practical and spiritual tools to help them with their emotional and mental state, which in turn, helps transform their financial state.