A Covid World Series Interview

Welcome everyone – we are SO excited today to have with us some of the greatest baseball players in history to help us preview this year’s World Series.  This is truly a once-in-a-lifetime (or, let’s be honest, MANY lifetimes) opportunity, so let’s get right to it, shall we? 

As you all know, this year’s Fall Classic is between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Tampa Bay Rays. One thing we’re all VERY excited about is that the best team from each league made it to the World Series this year! That’s only happened 4 times in the last 25 years!

Babe Ruth:  Isn’t that the way it is every year? The best team from the National League plays the best team from the American League?

Well, no, baseball introduced playoffs in 1969. Now the top 16 teams make the postseason, and there’s a tournament to see who gets into the World Series.

Ruth: 16 teams make the playoffs?  16???  That’s literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. There are only 16 teams in the whole sport!

Well, no, there were 16 teams in YOUR last season (1935).  There are now 30 teams.  

Honus Wagner: The Dodgers are a team I remember – but when did they move to Los Angeles?

1958

Wagner:  Wow, that’s amazing.  And who’s that other team?  The Rays?  What’s a Ray?

It was originally short for Devil Rays.  It’s a kind of fish.

Wagner:  And where’s Tampa Bay?  That place sounds made up.

No, no, Tampa is a city in Florida.  It existed when you were around.

Anyway, this year’s Series matches the team with the best offense in baseball, the Dodgers, against probably the most talented and deep pitching staff in the Rays. The Dodgers, for example, led all of baseball with 118 home runs this season. 

Wagner:  That doesn’t sound possible. 

Well yes, I know, in your last season teams averaged 21 a season.  But the game changed, Honus.

Ruth:  You bet your ass it did!  And I changed it!  That still sounds like too many for one year though.

That’s because in YOUR last year, teams averaged 83 homers in a year.  Again, the game has changed.

Joe DiMaggio: Yeah, I’m not impressed. Plenty of teams in my day hit that many homeruns. We didn’t prance around like 8 year old girls after we did it though.

That’s true, Mr. DiMaggio, in your last season the average number of homers per team was 116.  But this year’s regular season was only 60 games long due to a global pandemic.

Yogi Berra: Global pan-who-mic?

A disease that spread across the world.  Baseball had to be shut down for most of the season, no fans were able to attend, it was all very strange.

Cy Young:  I always knew it was just a matter of time before they got the fans out of the way.  It was dangerous having them on the field. A couple of my outfielders ran right into a group of them trying to catch a ball one time. Just asking for trouble.

The fans haven’t actually been ON the field for over 100 years.

DiMaggio: What’s with all these strikeouts?  I struck out less than 40 times a season!  These clowns do that in a week.

Yes, Mr. DiMaggio, we’re aware of how much better you were than everyone is today.  We’ll tell those kids to get off your damn lawn as well.

Ted Williams: I would have loved to face Clayton Kershaw.

I think most of us baseball fans would have LOVED to see that happen, Mr. Williams.

Williams: Can I ask a question?  Why did they always introduce Joe as the “Greatest Living Baseball Player” when everyone knows I was better.

DiMaggio:  Better?  You?  Are you kidding?  I ran better than you, I played defense better than you, and I threw better than you. 

Williams:  How nice for you. Baseball is about hitting.  You know what I did better than you?  Hit. Because I did it better than everyone ever.

Willie Mays: Hi, guys. Just wanted to stop by and mention that I was better than EITHER of you.  So please shut up.

I’m sorry, Mr. Mays.  You’re not allowed to be here.  You’re still alive. Security?  Can you please take him home?

Johnson:  I don’t understand why these managers are always taking the pitchers out of the game.  I finished 80% of the games I started.

In this year’s playoffs, less than 10% of starting pitchers have lasted 7 innings. You averaged 275 innings a year.  If a manager let a starting pitcher throw 275 innings in a season in these days he would be arrested and charged with reckless endangerment. 

Berra: Reckless en-who-da-mint?

Walter Johnson: I was watching some of the last series with the Rays – some of those pitchers throw almost as hard as I did.  I have to admit I was impressed.

Thank you, Mr. Johnson. Actually, the best records we have indicate you probably threw in the low 90’s.  These guys throw in the high 90’s, some of them over 100.

Bob Feller: Big Whoop.  I was clocked at 104.

Satchel Paige: Double Big Whoop. I threw 108 and sometimes played the outfield while I was doing it.

We’ve heard the 108 mph story, but to be honest, Mr. Paige, we don’t really believe it. And you didn’t play the outfield, but you DID sometimes tell your outfielders to sit down because you were going to strike out the next guy anyway.  That was pretty cool.

Wagner: That Mookie Betts is amazing – I’ve never seen a ballplayer do what he does in right field.  He gets to everything, and what an arm! 

Roberto Clemente:  Um, excuse me?

We apologize for those comments, Mr. Clemente.  Mr. Wagner wasn’t around to see you play.

Clemente:  Can someone get this guy one of my highlight reels please?

Right away, sir.

Wagner: That Rays team plays some really weird defense – they keep moving the infielders all over the place, what’s that about?

Teams today “shift” on some of the batters based on their tendencies.  If a certain hitter pulls the ball most of the time, then the defense tries to set up where they are most likely to be able to field the ball.  The Rays do it more than anybody.

Williams:  That crap never worked against me.

Actually it was fairly effective against you.  

Williams:  Oh really?  Is that why I hit .344 for my career?

That’s a fair point. 

OK, we’re running out of time, so let’s get to some predictions.  Who wins the Series and in how many games?  The Dodgers are the favorites.

Ruth: I think the Rays win in 6 games. The American League is the better league.

DiMaggio: I think the Yankees win it.  We always win it.

Wagner: The Dodgers in 7. I like that Seager kid.  Plays shortstop almost as well as I did.  Can’t hit like I did though.

He’s actually one of the best hitting shortstops in baseball.

Wagner: Can’t hit like I did though.

Hal Chase: What’s the betting line?

Lefty Grove: I’ll take the Dodgers in 5. I hear that Kershaw kid is the best lefty since me.

Well, Sandy Koufax and Randy Johnson might have something to say about that, but Ok.

Thanks for being here everyone. Hope it’s a great series!